I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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