im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
