i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
