I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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