She is in my trunk
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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