I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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