HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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