So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
