i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
