i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
