so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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