i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
