I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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