My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's blow job season.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
