we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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