I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
