The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
