Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
