just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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