Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
