I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
