Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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