Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
