Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
