Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
