cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
