worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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