It's Friday. Sex?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
