I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
