need another drink. this is the easiest way
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
