Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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