I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
