she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
did i just pee glitter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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