Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
