So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
