just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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