it hurts more in the daytime
We named our party play list daddy issues
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
