This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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