Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
