Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
