If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just googled if crying burns calories
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
