That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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