it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
