I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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