you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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