her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
