hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
