you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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