Your tits are I can't wait for
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You ruined the universe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
