i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
