Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
