one might say we're banned from that church
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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