I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
